random

Few days back I was browsing shaadi.com and found a strange thing. Just for the records, browsing matrimonial websites is not my hobby, neither does S need to be alarmed :D. So the strange thing was that, for the guy’s profile, there is a field “prefer a working partner?” and for girls the corresponding field is “prefer working after marriage?”. And even though I am not surprised at this bias, it got me angry/bothered. Does this means that guys have no preference whether they want to work or not? They HAVE to work? Whereas for girls, they still need to make sure their partner ‘prefers’ a working partner for them to work. Even if they want to work, they have to take permission.

Such things time and again remind me how “lucky” I am to have S who really does not demand much from me. And then again, I think, why am I feeling ‘lucky’ for this particular reason? Why should I feel lucky if he cooks at home, if he keeps his own things in place, if he has no issues if I work and in the process do not serve fresh meal everyday! Because seriously, that is not the reason why we married. That is something which needs to be done by default. Sharing of responsibilities and duties should be done by both partners by default. But after seeing so many skewed marriages around me, I really cant help but feel happy about the ‘helpful husband’. And I hope he feels that I am the helpful wife ;). I am definitely lucky for the many things that S is, but not because he does equal work at home. Rather, I try to not feel lucky about that.

One of the things which he had told me when we were dating back in grad school was that the only thing that will make him unhappy in this marriage is me doing anything for him, which I don’t want to do. I think I said ‘yes’ (at least in my mind) to his proposal after I heard this . And today, as we finish two years of signing our marriage certificate, I can’t be happier with ‘us’. Marriage really has not been a big deal the way we live together. It is almost like living with a friend/room-mate, but with added benefits ;). And hence, the transition from being single to married has been quite seamless. They say time goes fast when you are having fun…And these two years swished past!! :) With all serious-ness, I do hope he feels the same way. Maybe I will go home and ask :D .

PS: Though we signed the marriage cert on this day two years back, we actually had the ceremony-marriage on the 31st. We do celebrate on both these days. My suggestion of celebrating everyday from the 18th to 31st was blatantly ignored.

PPS: this is random. Or maybe it is not, and I did not think of any other title.

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18 Responses to random

  1. Pepper says:

    I absolutely hate the biases that exist in this world. I hate the fact that a man *has* to work. There is a reason I like saying I believe in human rights, as opposed to women’s rights. We as humans should have it equal. Men, women, gays, all of us.

    I know what you mean by feeling lucky, and then getting mad at yourself for feeling lucky. It’s the same with me. But when I see crappy marriages around me, I do end up feeling lucky, although what we have should be there by default.

    And 2 years? Congratulations! We have 2 more months to go and I am already excited.

  2. A very Happy Anniversary! :) You knowI have actually been reading you for 2 years. So we have been in a relationship for that long too ;) I kid!

    I know what you mean about ‘feeling lucky’ … it is not an honor that they do … but in comparison to other men, you cannot help but thank your stars. Blessing is a blessing in whichever form it comes. Might as well count it … than ignore it! Right?

    ♡ from © tanvii.com

    • thanks tanvi!happy anniversary for our blog readership too :D
      A clarification: when I said I dont want to feel lucky for some reasons, I did not mean I am not grateful. It is just that I am grateful for the person as a whole and not just for the helpfulness. I can never think of ignoring the blessing which the husband is in my life :D

      • I absolutely got what you meant the first time, may be I wasn’t clear in my explanation in the comment. By the way came back to this post, ‘coz I was thinking on the similar lines couple of days back (due to a reader’s comment) and then I felt, that I had already read the thoughts in my head some where … And this is where it was! So trust me I get exactly what you mean!!!

        ♡ from © tanvii.com

  3. nightflier says:

    Congratulations!! :)
    and on feeling lucky and not lucky, I agree with Tanvi, maybe its a blessing in a world which is full of stupid generalizations and biases.

    • thanks! Same thing as I told tanvii.
      Plus, I do feel that the more we compare what we have with the goodness or crappiness around, we are creating more bias in our mind, no? Shouldnt some things be absolute?

      • nightflier says:

        may be you are right..
        but someone out there made a stupid bias 1000 years ago and we still let it become a gauge of our reality..that is disturbing on our part.. how come we evolved so much :D

  4. My era says:

    Congratulations on your anniversary :D
    Even though I have been stuck in a marriage that didn’t work, but still I totally agree with your point…don’t feel lucky it is what should be happening by default in any marriage :D :D

  5. Gayatri says:

    WWwwwhhhhheeeeeeeeeeee! Belated anniversary wishes. We got registered married on Dec 21 and real married on Dec 27. So I celebrate all week. And it’s Carnivore’s bday in early Dec. SO i end up celebrating all month.

    Re the rest, I thank my stars everyday that I’m not stuck with some chauvinistic psycho.

  6. Calvin says:

    Celebrating everyday from 18th to 31st….haha, no wonder it was ignored :)

  7. Adriana Lee says:

    This is a very Sweet Post! I’m so glad you and your partner are so happy and that this kind of living is actually possible (Sharing every work – he asking u to never do anything you don’t want to do) .. Wow! God Bless both of you!

  8. suba says:

    Absolutely love your style of writing! God bless!

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